I've spent most of my life loving Christmas time...except when I didn't...or felt like I couldn't.
In crazy-busy years, I've left cape Town on vacation like clockwork on 26 December to avoid the out-of-towners. In years of grief and loss, I've been known to flee the country and try to pretend Christmas wasn't happening. These days, I love staying home. I go full out. I decorate, cook, bake, invite people over for numerous parties and (much to his dismay) dress the furchild in Christmas outfits. I even make a point of assembling an old train set...
Yes, that trainset in the picture has a history.
When I was about 7/8, my parents gave me a Disney set as a Christmas gift. It came with figurines and train tracks that needed to be assembled. It became my favourite thing to play with. Those figurines were repurposed and used for any game we could imagine. One of the ducks (not sure if it's Huey, Dewey or Louie) has been sporting an eye injury for years since he was mauled by the dog in a particularly crazy game of something we dreamed up that combined baseball with dodgeball, basketball and marbles.
I'm in my forties and, for the last few years, that trainset has been assembled every year for Christmas.
Like baking my mom's trifle every year, the process of putting it all together feels like an act of love and gratitude. It's become my way of connecting to my parents, friends and family that are no longer with us. It's a nod to my history and acknowledging how I got here. Christmas time wouldn't feel complete without it.
The moral of the story is that, for many people, this time of the year is either particularly joyful or particularly challenging.
For those that are celebrating and preparing for the silly season, may your shopping be blessed, your vacation time be restful and your love for Boney M and Mariah Carey be infinite.
For those that are struggling with grief and loss during this period, please be kind to yourself. Time will help integrate all that love and emotion that feels stuck and overwhelming right now. New traditions will be born and you will find ways to honour those you've loved and lost.
In the meantime, if you need to flee the country, go for it.
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